a quiet update

i apologize for falling off the face of blog-earth. Things have been a little tough around here. i am adjusting to a job i do not like, and do not plan on being at for much longer if anything else comes through. Above that, Master and i have not participated in much kink at all. Even sex has drastically decreased. i miss it, i miss Him in that way and i hate things as they are now. i feel guilty for putting pressure on Him; in every way including financial.

i knew it would be a change, i just has no idea what we would be in for.

i used to look forward to our upcoming vacation to Mexico (paid in full by my rents) as an exciting trip. That outlook has changed. Now i see it as 9 days where we will not have to pay for food. 9 days where we will not use gas or electricity. 9 days were maybe i won’t worry so much about money.

i no longer sleep with His collar at night, chained to the bed. It sort of fell by the wayside amidst everything going on. All the have-to’s trump the want-to’s, i guess. i don’t think Master desires me sexually anymore and i don’t blame Him: i can’t keep up with things working at this place, my mind is not where He needs it to be in order to be sexually fulfilled.

i would love to be touched in some other way, just to be (insert my real name here) and to be safe with Him anyway, needed and desired.